Friend Canceled 40 Minutes Late. Should She Skip the Next Hangout?
A 24-year-old woman set up a long-awaited video game day with a 23-year-old friend who’s famous for running late. Forty minutes after the 11 a.m. start time, the friend texted to cancel for a family brunch. Now the poster is wondering whether to skip their 3 p.m. group hangout, just to give her friend a taste of it.
This story was reported by TwistedSifter and comes from a post on r/AmItheAsshole. It’s one side of one friendship, and nobody can verify it, so I’m judging the behavior described, not the people.
Show Marge’s quick verdict (spoilers)
The Scroll in Brief
- The conflict: A chronically late friend canceled a gaming day 40 minutes after it was supposed to start. The poster is thinking about no-showing a later hangout as payback.
- What the crowd said: According to TwistedSifter, some commenters said go for it, while others urged a more direct talk.
- Marge’s ruling: The friend is out of line. A silent revenge no-show would make it ESH.
- The lesson: Say the quiet part out loud. Payback teaches nothing if she doesn’t know it’s payback.
The Verdict: ESH (Everyone Sucks Here), if she goes through with the no-show
The Original Post
Here’s the story in the poster’s own words, embedded straight from Reddit. If it doesn’t load, the post may have been edited or deleted; the summary below still covers it.
The Short Version
Here’s the story as TwistedSifter summarized it from the Reddit post.
The poster says her friend is late to basically everything, anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours. After the friend got back from two months away, the poster was excited to finally pick back up a video game the two of them both love, something she’d been craving all summer.
They set it for 11 a.m. at the friend’s family home. The night before, the poster asked her friend to check that her parents were fine with the visit. The friend said she would, but still hadn’t confirmed by the time the poster went to bed.
The next morning, the poster says her friend had texted her a photo around 5 a.m., so she was clearly up early. At 11 the poster called to make sure she was awake and got no answer. At 11:40, the friend finally texted: she couldn’t hang out because of a family brunch.
There was still a 3 p.m. plan with a mutual friend on the calendar. The poster hadn’t done anything yet, but she was tempted to simply not show up to that one, so her friend would know how it feels. She asked Reddit if that would make her the jerk.
What the Internet Said
According to TwistedSifter, the crowd was split on the revenge plan. Some commenters were all for it; one put it simply: “She needs to learn.” Others pushed for a direct conversation instead, suggesting there might be a more civil way to handle it.
TwistedSifter’s own take landed on everyone sharing the blame: the friend was inconsiderate, but an unexplained no-show would just repeat the same disrespect instead of fixing it.
Marge’s Ruling
Right now, the friend is the goblin. Canceling 40 minutes after the plan started is rough on its own. Doing it after being up and texting at 5 a.m. is worse, because family brunches rarely appear out of nowhere at 11:39. One heads-up text that morning would have saved the whole thing.
And this isn’t a one-off. Being 30 minutes to two hours late as a habit tells your friends their time matters less than yours. The poster is allowed to be fed up. I’d be counting the minutes too.
But the revenge no-show? That flips it to ESH. Here’s the problem with silent payback: it only works if the other person gets the message, and chronically late people are usually the last to connect the dots. Worse, the 3 p.m. plan includes a mutual friend who did nothing wrong and would get stood up too.
What actually sends the message is saying it. “Canceling 40 minutes after we were supposed to start really hurt, and the lateness has been wearing on me” is harder to ignore than an empty chair. If she’d rather skip the 3 p.m. hangout because she’s not in the mood, that’s fine too. Just say so in advance. That’s the exact courtesy she didn’t get.
How to handle a chronically late friend
- Name the pattern once, calmly. Not in the heat of a cancellation. “Hey, the lateness is getting to me” works better than a guilt trip.
- Ask for a morning-of check-in. A quick “still on?” text an hour before catches cancellations early.
- Pick flexible plans. Hanging out at your place means a late friend costs you less than a reservation does.
- Set a wait limit, and tell them. “If you’re not here by 11:30, I’m doing something else” is fair and clear.
My final word: the friend owes an apology, the poster owes herself a direct conversation, and the mutual friend at 3 p.m. deserves to have someone actually show up.
Cast Your Vote
Marge has ruled. Now it’s your turn: pick a side below, then see how the Goblin Tavern on Discord voted.
The Tavern Verdict
Our Discord votes on every Goblin’s Verdict with reactions. To vote, open the post in #goblins-verdict and tap one: 😇 Not the villain, 👿 The villain, 🔥 Everyone’s a goblin or 🕊️ No villains. Here’s how the Goblin Tavern is leaning:
Tally: voting just opened. Join the vote in our Discord.
This story was reported by TwistedSifter and comes from Reddit. It can’t be independently verified.
Keep digging: the skipped-RSVP dinner verdict, the early-flight airport ride verdict, the water heater verdict and more Reddit drama verdicts.
Sources
- TwistedSifter: Young Woman Is Fed Up With A Friend Who Keeps Delaying And Canceling Plans, So She’s Considering Treating Her The Same Way (September 28, 2026)
- Original Reddit thread in r/AmItheAsshole (as linked by TwistedSifter)
